Today in the women's club "Those over 30" we will look for answers to a very heart-wrenching question: why husbands leave for their mistresses or simply leave the family. Not an easy question...
The journey into a man's inner world requires your willpower and your willingness to accept the sometimes unpleasant truth. Well, load the baggage of your own and other people’s experience on your shoulders or use your imagination - we will go through the labyrinth of married life and analyze why and when men begin to look for a way out of it.
Obviously, every person wants happiness from life.
Yes, men are people too! They, like women, have their own realistic or far-fetched ideas about a happy married life. This means that in order to find out why the husband says that he will leave for someone else or go to a bachelor’s apartment, it would be logical to question his happiness hormones.
They will probably end up sick and unable to function at home.
That is, the husband flew on the wings of happiness at the initial stage of married life, and now he can barely lift his legs and overcome the force of rejection in order to cross the threshold of the house and fall asleep. If flying has turned into a tired or irritated shuffle, it may be due to similar changes in your marriage.
And there is no need to point your finger at the monotony of everyday life - men value stability and confidence in the future. Of course, I’m talking about mature mature men, and not about infantile representatives of the species who do not know themselves, much less know what they need from marriage. Most often, the latter leave their families not for someone, but simply away from their wives and children, in order to understand themselves and/or get rid of responsibility.
The women's club website identifies two main reasons why a husband leaves his wife.
Relax and imagine yourself as a witness to the following situation.
Mr. A. meets Mrs. A. They count the hours until the next meeting, look at each other with heart-shaped pupils and constantly talk about their bright feelings. Friends tell them that they are an ideal couple, and a few months later he proposes to her. A year passes, and a mistress appears on the horizon.
The reason for this choice of husband and, consequently, the collapse of the marriage, is the effect of testosterone - the male hormone of happiness. Thanks to this hormone, a man in love is ready to even get a star from the sky for the sake of his chosen one. Thus, the relationships that Mr. A hastily builds are driven by passion.
Let's dig deeper. If a relationship is based on passion, it is impossible to establish harmony in it, because the person wants to get everything at once, putting the well-being of the relationship on the back burner.
A man in a situation does not care what others will say about his chosen one, how their life together will be organized, whether they will go to visit his friends, etc. He just wants to marry Mrs. A., thinking that next he will rub the magic lamp, voice his desires to the Genie and everything will somehow organize itself.
Ignorance is the first reason that serves as an excuse when a husband says he is going to leave. Particularly destructive ignorance of the wife's character, interests and habits. When we meet a person who interests us, we try to seem better than we really are, but over time we open up and show our true essence.
If this disclosure occurs already in marriage, troubles often cannot be avoided. You can't love a person you don't know.
As a result, husbands often say they are leaving because their illusions have been shattered.
For example, Mr. A. might have expected Mrs. A. to make weekly outings into nature, but it turned out that she is a terrible homebody and can only be pulled out for fishing with tents by the floor by her hair. It doesn’t matter whether she pretended to be an active athlete before marriage in order to please him, or whether he fantasized that she would be happy with him even to the ends of the earth.
Illusions collapse, the man feels deceived and runs away from his mistake.
The second global reason for looking for a loophole from marriage is dissatisfaction in family life.
Each of us has some needs - women mainly want tenderness and tea ceremonies with friends, and men - constant sexual relations and football on weekends. If you ask why a husband leaves the family, he will say that he does not get what he wants in marriage.
For example, if a 40-year-old Mr. V. suddenly leaves his family for the young Mrs. V., one should not look for the reason in lust. Mr. V. truly falls in love because Mrs. V. looks at him with adoration, something you haven’t done for a long time. She appreciates him, but it’s as if you don’t. It seems so to him.
An alarming signal in case of dissatisfaction will be if your husband ignores your requests or comments. He can be sure that you are using him for personal gain.
The relationship in this case may take on the nature of revenge. Oh, haven't you gone to the store? I will find someone who will not allow herself to leave her husband hungry.
The problem with both ignorance and dissatisfaction as a reason for cheating is that a man surrounds himself with some expectations from his wife that she may not be aware of. If these expectations are not dispelled in time, after a short period of marriage the man will either leave for someone else or withdraw into himself.
Take care that knowing your husband is the best recipe against any fevers that are better experienced without you.
For those over 30 – a club for women over 30.
Instructions
First, you need to remember that men disappear from your life from time to time. That's their nature. The reason for this phenomenon is the desire to arouse the jealousy of your beloved, in order to once again be convinced of her love and increase your sense of self-worth. That is why it is necessary to find out what is the reason for the current situation. Perhaps you had a fight not long ago, or your relationship has simply stabilized, and the young man just wants a little freedom. Maybe he needs to spend time with his friends only, without you, several times a week. In any case, before drawing conclusions, it is necessary to carefully analyze the situation, taking into account all the details.
Often, men tend to say thoughtless words to their significant other. That is why, if during a quarrel you hear the phrase “I don’t love you,” you should not blindly and unconditionally believe it. Most likely, this phrase was said only in a fit of anger, but in fact he does not think so. If he didn't have feelings for you, he would have left a long time ago.
If there has been no warmth, affection and support in your relationship for a long time, you should think about whether there are feelings between you. Of course, if your passion has simply cooled down a little over the years, you can try to “rekindle” it again, but if it simply doesn’t exist, there’s no point in trying. Yes, breaking up is not so easy, but sometimes it is the only way out of the current situation. Just remember that nothing happens by chance in your life. Any parting will definitely be followed by a new meeting.
Before looking for the answer to the question “is a man”, you need to analyze your behavior. Maybe you spend too much time at work and pay little attention to your lover. Do not forget that women by nature tend to dramatize. They can make a big problem out of a small, insignificant quarrel, making a mountain out of a molehill. Of course, any event can cause people to move away, but this does not mean that your relationship is over. In any case, remember, if a man decides to leave, he will definitely inform you about it in a calm atmosphere.
You can understand one thing: when a man leaves forever, he will not contact you, will not answer your calls and messages, maybe even change his phone number and place of residence. Most likely, he will ask his friends not to tell you anything about his existence, he will simply disappear. Your lover’s new relationship can also make you understand that you will never be together again.
I am 23, my husband is 24. Former classmates. We got married after the birth of the child, before that we dated for 4 years. Six months have passed since the birth of the child, my husband devotes little time to me and my daughter, and does not give me any money at all. If I beg all day, only then can he give. At the same time, he himself does not buy anything for the child, he does not buy food. We live with his parents, if I say that I want to leave him, he says “go away.” I do not know what to do. We live in a small town in Udmurtia. There aren't many opportunities here. Besides me, my parents have four more children. I'm the eldest. They don’t expect me back, they say, “I’m an adult now, solve your problems yourself.”
Anastasia, Udmurtia, Russia, 23 years old / 08.11.19
Anastasia, unfortunately, your story is another vivid example of the fact that marrying a guy and “accidentally” getting pregnant is a very dubious way to start a family. You dated for 4 years, as I understand it, he didn’t propose, I had to take fate into my own hands. You became pregnant, he “like an honest man” was forced to take you as his wife. However, he did this very formally and, as is clear from your letter, he does not have any tender feelings for you or your daughter. That is, the person went through the formalities, but nothing more. You don't have a family. And if you leave, he will breathe a sigh of relief. Whether you like it or not, he got married “on the fly.” And if you hadn’t gotten pregnant, you would still be dating without plans for a future together. Unless, of course, you have imagined this “relationship” for yourself. Maybe in your head it was “meetings”, but in his it was just an occasional hookup without commitment.
What to do now? Well, because... You have made your life extremely difficult on this part of the journey, so far I can only advise one thing: to endure and wait for the right opportunity to start earning money on your own - with anything. The easiest way is on the Internet or on the phone. If you don’t have a profession, try to get a qualification while you’re on maternity leave. Now there are a lot of maternity support programs - search the Internet to see what you have. It will not be possible to live at the expense of your husband and his relatives - they will not allow it. So, start thinking about where and how to earn money yourself. I understand that I really wanted to get married and sit on my husband’s neck, but the plan didn’t work. And all you can hope for is alimony, which he will be required to pay. So give it to them. Provided, of course, that you have a place to live. And if not, stay in his house until you get back on your feet. He won't kick you out. And you need time to start earning money yourself. Your main goal is to find your place in society. So go ahead and do it. With all the possible disadvantages of your current situation, the plus is that you and your child have a place to live. And what happens next depends on you.
Anastasia, in my opinion, in your situation there are not many options for resolution. Judging by the letter, there is no particularly warm relationship with her husband and is not expected; moreover, he openly says that he is ready to separate. Alas, in such conditions, waiting and hoping for something big and bright is stupid. Therefore, you will have to pull yourself together, grow up and start being practical to the point of commercialism, and prepare for divorce. To begin with, I would suggest contacting lawyers and seeking advice on the necessary actions from a legal point of view. No, you don’t need to immediately run to write a statement, or pack your things and leave on emotions. But it’s worth knowing your rights and opportunities. Just don’t advertise all this to your husband and his relatives for the time being.
Author: Svetlana Viktorovna Rymar. ISBN: Year of publication: Key words: rhetoric, Russian language, speech culture, Russian language, speech culture, orthology. All rights reserved. © 1 Rymar Svetlana Viktorovna LEXICAL SYNONYMY A.S. PUSHKIN: QUALITATIVE AND QUANTITATIVE ANALYSIS (based on the material of a synonymous dictionary and series with a different number of synonyms) Specialty Russian language ABSTRACT of the dissertation for the degree of candidate of philological sciences 02 0NT2 Nizhny Novgorod. 2.
The dissertation materials were introduced into the educational process of the Murom Institute (branch) of Vladimir State University when developing and delivering lecture courses and conducting practical seminars on the Russian language and speech culture. Svetlana Viktorovna Rymar. In essence, for an intelligent person, speaking poorly should be considered the same indecency as not being able to read and write. All the best statesmen in the era of prosperity of states, the best philosophers and poets, reformers were at the same time the best orators.
The path to every career was strewn with the flowers of eloquence. (A.P. Chekhov) Modern society requires high speech culture in the professional sphere of communication.
For non-philological students, a special course program in the Russian language has been created, after mastering which students will improve their speech from a linguistic point of view. Culture of Russian speech. Author: Svetlana Viktorovna Rymar. (A.P. Chekhov) Modern society requires high speech culture in the professional sphere of communication. For non-philological students, a special course program in the Russian language has been created, after mastering which students will improve their speech in terms of its correctness and expediency.
The monograph includes theoretical reviews on the main topics of the course “Russian language and speech culture” for students of technical universities, in particular, the normative aspect of speech culture is examined in detail. This book is intended for students of various non-philological specialties. comments powered by Hyper. Rymar Svetlana Viktorovna. Academic degree: Ph.D. Philol. Sci. Russian language and speech culture, Practice in obtaining professional skills and professional experience, Preventive pedagogy, Social pedagogical work with various religious groups, Fundamentals of the welfare state and civil society, Economic bases of social work, Social policy, Legal support of social work, Social pedagogical work in residential institutions, social work with various groups.
For non-philological students, a special course program in the Russian language has been created, after mastering which students will improve their speech in terms of its correctness and expediency. Rymar Svetlana Viktorovna. “In essence, for an intelligent person, speaking poorly should be considered the same indecency as not being able to read and write. All the best statesmen in the era of prosperity of states, the best philosophers and poets, reformers were at the same time the best orators.
The path to every career was strewn with “flowers of eloquence.” (A.P. Chekhov) Modern society requires high speech culture in the professional sphere of communication. For non-philology students, a special course program in the Russian language has been created, after mastering which students will improve their speech from a point of view.
rub. For non-philology students, a special course program has been created on.. see the full description about Svetlana Viktorovna Rymar The culture of Russian speech.
Categories Post navigationGood afternoon I am 36 years old, I have been living with my husband for 8 years, married for 5 years. Yesterday my husband said he was leaving...
Our relationship is more like brother and sister, mother and son, daughter and father, companionship. We have always been interested in communicating with each other; we have common views on spending leisure time and vacations. We have absolute trust in each other. I calmly let him go to friends for an overnight stay, just like he did me. There are no children and this is a very sore subject for me. For 5 years we have been examined, treated, done IVF - all to no avail. I really want children, my husband is more relaxed about this. He said that he was not ready to devote his whole life to trying to have a child, and was not against adoption. He is very sociable, with a good sense of humor, and smart. He held a leadership position. Now I’ve been laid off, I’m temporarily unemployed, but we’re not sitting without money, we have savings, and I’m working. Our sex life lately is simply non-existent. I’ve been on various pills since January (joint disease), and I have no desire at all. The last time we had sex was a couple of months ago. He doesn't insist. In our couple, sex was not a big deal at all all this time. Only at the beginning, when passions were running high and all that. Although we are both liberated in sex and do not suffer from routine in it. But now he’s completely gone. And apparently both are not attracted to it. Why I can’t understand. Perhaps he stopped seeing me as a sex object. On my part, my husband does not evoke any negative emotions in me, although of course it happens sometimes, but I think that, like everyone else, things don’t always go smoothly. Sometimes we quarrel, but before it was more often and harsher, although our disagreements cannot be called rare even now. But in disputes the truth is born, although disputes almost always end in a quarrel... I am a strong woman, I can do everything myself, in principle, if I want. And he’s not very good at household chores; frankly speaking, he didn’t know how to do anything at all when we met, not even wash the dishes). We live with my mother in a private house. I have a very bad relationship with my mother, he has a much better relationship with her, he calls her mom. He is in some way a catalyst between us: when a storm is brewing, I can be pulled away in time or take the conversation in a different direction. Lately, the relationship in the house between me and my mother has been tense, the situation is very oppressive. For the last two weeks I have seen that I am annoying my husband; there are no usual affectionate hugs, lisps, or conversations. He goes out to see friends very often. There is no other woman - I am 100% sure. And now I don’t know what to do. I don't want to lose him. I want to improve our relationship, it seems to me that we are marking time. But I don't know how. He claims that he has made his decision. I said that I would not hold him, although everything in my soul was torn - what if this is all? Suddenly he leaves and does not return, although deep down I hope that this is temporary, that this is depression against the backdrop of layoffs and the situation in the house. How to behave correctly so as not to aggravate the situation?
It’s probably worth noting that my husband is prone to panic attacks, anxiety, and tension. I saw a psychotherapist. During panic attacks, he takes half or a whole tablet of Xanax (once or twice a month, or maybe not at all). Now he is in some kind of incomprehensible state, something is clearly bothering him, and he is reluctant to talk about this topic. I was sure that this was due to the loss of work and the lack of it for now. He says that he took a long time to decide to leave...
Sorry for the possibly chaotic description of the situation, I didn’t sleep at night, my head is a mess... I don’t understand how to behave. I don’t want to become hysterical and beg to stay. Help me please.
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