« New Year“is a holiday that should be celebrated with the closest people,” you decided and left your boyfriend a week before. He will tell you what obvious advantages a breakup has on the eve of the holidays. PEOPLETALK.
Now you don’t have to spend money on a gift. But good gifts For men they are not cheap. For example, Play Station 4 would cost you 20 thousand rubles! See what savings there are.
Celebrate the New Year wherever you want and with whomever you want, and no one will say a word against you. Go to visit your parents, grab your shy friend by the scruff of the neck and go to the club with her, go alone to Red Square, and even go to bed at 11:55 p.m.
There is often an element of inequality in relationships: one dominates, the other submits. And we’re not talking about “”: we’re talking about psychological pressure. Men try to be in charge and often go too far: “take off your short skirt”, “you can’t go to the cinema with your friends”, “you don’t need red lipstick”, “what kind of bachelorette party would you like, there will be strippers there”. If you have heard all these phrases addressed to you, then rejoice: you received freedom on New Year’s Eve, but your ex received pangs of conscience.
You need to enter the New Year refreshed. Was your boyfriend taking too much of your mental strength? Let him do it with another girl in next year– wish him and her good luck. You can even write an SMS to your ex-betrothed in the morning of January 1st. Although no! No need!
Mothers simply adore their sons, and this love is mutual. Therefore, say bye-bye to both his mother and his statements: “Kitty, well, my mother and I will celebrate first, and then we will go wherever you want.” Go wherever you want now!
Agree, it’s somehow not very convenient to eat Olivier in plates and drink red wine in glasses in front of your husband. But I really want to! Now you can indulge in the sin of gluttony without shame and for as long as you want.
Tickets for one are always cheaper than a tour for two. Do you understand what we are hinting at? Pack your suitcase and fly to hot countries, there will definitely not be time to indulge in the blues. Moreover, everyone should celebrate the New Year under a palm tree at least once in their life. And when, if not now?
Wise people say: when one door closes, another opens. Broke up with a guy? Wait for the next one, and even better than the previous one. Now your heart is open to new love, and the past remains in the past year.
In my second year at university, I dated a guy. Everything was fine, but there was no Great love, but I didn’t want to live like that. Before the New Year, I suffered for a long time and decided to leave him. But she didn’t consider all the options and left in English, that is, she simply didn’t tell him anything, didn’t answer calls and didn’t call herself. We celebrated the New Year with my friend. And I forgot that she called for both of us. As a result, I come to her at nine o’clock in the evening (already with a new guy), and he is there. With a gift for me that costs two of his salaries. I couldn’t find anything better than locking myself in the toilet and not coming out for an hour. And all that hour he sat near the door, persuading me to come back. I left, said a decisive no and went into another room. He completely wilted and tried to give a gift (by the way, wedding ring!) to my friend and left. I still didn’t understand where my new boyfriend had gone, but he wasn’t in the apartment either. Probably the two of them went to the nearest bar to discuss me.
I broke up with my girlfriend two days before the New Year - I endured it with all my might, I didn’t want to hurt her. But I’m just tired of hearing constant complaints addressed to me, reproaches, hysterics. Told her: “You know what? You got me. Happy New Year, goodbye." He gave her a gift and left. And I immediately felt such relief - as if a huge stone had been lifted from my soul. Then I thought: why was I even in this relationship for six months, if I’m much better off without her? So now I follow the advice of the Meladze brothers: if it doesn’t work out, don’t wait.
2 years ago I almost died after my ex left me after New Year's holidays. I went to a psychologist for 4 months after that. It was a repeated betrayal. I moved to him from Moscow to St. Petersburg with things for several months. We got engaged a long time ago; the summer before, we agreed that I would move in with him, and we would submit an application after I moved. And then, after several years of relationship, he said: let’s live for 3 months and see how it goes.
I was shocked, we had already lived with me in Moscow for 6 months and 9 without a break. I finished my studies, but he didn’t want to leave St. Petersburg.
As a result, every day he brought me to tears, humiliated me, called me names, and devalued all my efforts. It became hell. And when I couldn’t cope and cried out of resentment, he said that my nerves were not okay.
How can you be okay? If a person began to behave like a tyrant and insult him with an “asshole” because of a few unwiped crumbs on the table...
One day he left the apartment to visit his parents and said that we would come in the evening. They didn't give me the keys. He arrived three days later, saying that he had high blood pressure. When he locked me like that, I was waiting at the window in a strange city, a strange area. These were already holidays after January 1st. I wanted to die. I even thought that I would throw myself out of the window. The food was even finished. He created hell!!!
And freaked out when I called. One evening I was visiting a friend from St. Petersburg. He said that he would pick me up. In the end I called, and he said that he was visiting. He'll arrive in an hour. I went to the night ok to buy groceries!! Haha. Such a fool. She kept telling me that I was a mistress and worthy of being a wife. Tender-handed.
A friend lived next to him
Parents, they had him. He calls, I say that I’m coming from OK. He: I'll be down in 5 minutes. Last 25 minutes, exactly 25 minutes. I sat on a swing at night at -20! It was so cold. I sat, looked at the St. Petersburg sky and didn’t understand why.
He came down, my hands were shaking. He said he would take me to that apartment. And I need to take my dad to the doctor in the morning to my parents. Blah blah.
This is how he behaved, neglected, shook his nerves.
Ch asked to take me to a friend. I bought a ticket this morning. I called him and said that I would drop the key in the mailbox. He came to pick me up. Loaded my suitcase onto the train. He said he didn't kick me out. And running. Towards the station.
It turned out that I was horned during my last year of graduation. He ran to another.
And it was crazy to allow my move to New York just to force me to leave after the holidays.
It took me a long time to get out of this.
I left, he called before April. And he lived with her. And he got on my nerves, “I always think what would happen if we were together... But you don’t care, right?”
She became pregnant 4 months after I left, they got married.
The most interesting thing is that she is 40 years old, she gave birth to her first child at 40. And he told me that I am old, I will soon be 30. Funny, right?
We dated for several years. He said and promised me one thing, and another to those around me. During this visit and move, all the masks came off.
Girls, I beg you! Never expect promises to be fulfilled! The man said and did. He wants to do it. Don't live in illusions, don't be victims.
Now I'm in a new relationship. In love. I don't care what the ex has. But this betrayal shocked me. It's hard for me not to think about this sometimes. I barely made it out.
Around New Year there is a peak in breakups.
Some people find this strange. Especially the lonely ones. After all, the New Year is such a family and romantic holiday, you need to celebrate it with your other half, at home with Olivier or in the company of your closest friends, but also in couples. Finding yourself alone on New Year's Eve is so uncomfortable!
But no, only those who are attached to their partner or dream of finding a mate think this way. But those who are tired of their partner, who have accumulated irritation and longing for freedom, take decisive steps towards separation exactly a week before the New Year. Before this, they could delay, doubt, wait for something, but now, when there is such a thing ahead beautiful holiday and such a pleasant vacation, you don’t want to see that boring face in front of you.
A cold partner even tries to get away on weekends so as not to spend the whole day in close proximity to someone who is boring him. And if we remember that the cooling of one very often causes not the cooling of the second, but an imbalance, that is, the second begins to strive for intimacy more strongly, it becomes clear that in addition to boredom, the one who has cooled must also withstand harassment, reproaches, and complaints. It's not easy even on weekends, let alone New Year holidays It's scary to spend on it.
If we remember folk sign: “With whom you celebrate the New Year, you will spend this year with,” even more so.
People associate the New Year holiday with the beginning of a new cycle, with new plans, with prospects. No matter how cynical it sounds, people on New Year’s Eve try to get rid of “junk” not only among their things, but also among their connections. In the New Year, you want freshness and surprises, some new proposals and meetings, so many begin to actively clear space for this.
But those who were abandoned, of course, think differently. And they make mistakes due to incorrect reasoning.
1. “He ran away from greed; he didn’t want to spend money on an expensive gift.”
An even worse option: “He ran away because he doesn’t have money for an expensive gift, and it’s a shame to give a cheap one.”
This female version. Many women who decide that this is the reason for escaping begin to hold back the one who announced their desire to separate. They say that they don’t need gifts, that they are happy with everything, and sometimes they themselves offer to pay for a trip somewhere for the New Year holidays.
Often the second agrees under pressure. But this is the most deplorable outcome. They both get hellish holidays and then separate anyway, only the minus feels completely defeated and humiliated. Plus he feels hatred. It is very important to let the person leave decisively. And before the New Year, it is especially important to let those who want to leave.
2. "He came up with such a time to hurt me, sadist."
An even worse option: “This is some kind of revenge on his part, otherwise he would have done it earlier or later, but not on New Year’s Eve.”
I have already explained why this happens on New Year’s Eve (sometimes even a couple of days before). The New Year marks the beginning of a new cycle and becomes a trigger or catalyst for processes that previously proceeded latently and sluggishly.
But if a person begins to think that his partner is driven by sadism, and even more so by revenge, he may do the wrong thing. One wrong reaction is to begin to suffer loudly and publicly, to kill yourself, thinking that the “sadist” is waiting for just such a reaction and, having enjoyed his power, will return on the 31st with a bottle of champagne and a rose in his teeth. The second wrong reaction is to run after the “sadist”, proving love to him in order to soften him.
You don't need any proof of your love, please, if you've been abandoned. Before the New Year, those who love, but are offended by something unclear, do not leave. This is not that holiday. On the eve of New Year's Eve, all grievances are usually forgiven if the person wants to be with you and does not dream of getting rid of you as unnecessary trash.
A difficult case if you really insulted a person. There is a chance that he was simply offended and then it would be nice to ask him for forgiveness. But asking for forgiveness will be enough. If he loves you, he will make peace in order to spend the holiday together. But if a request for reconciliation is not enough for him, perhaps you were provoked into a quarrel because you have long wanted to break up. Respect yourself and don't create a circus.
How to behave correctly if you were abandoned on New Year's Eve?
1. Let go, don't hold.
All you have to do is say that you personally don’t want to break up and it’s a blow for you, but you respect his decision. There is no need to prove the blow by hysterics and running around. The law of relationships is simple. If a person needs your feelings, then words about your feelings will be enough for him, and if your feelings are not needed, then any evidence of feelings will be across his throat.
Letting go without holding back is necessary so that, after leaving, the person begins to miss you, your importance grows a little (this will improve your self-esteem a little). Yes, at first he will feel relief and gratitude that you did not blame him and cling to him. But then he will definitely wonder if he did the right thing. If you demand and cling, he will think about only one thing: how to unhook, how to overcome the force of resistance and do what he decided.
2. Don't do anything during the holidays.
Yes, abandoned people always think that they need to strike while the iron is hot, do something, prove it, return it, otherwise every day the connection will become thinner and thinner. You are confusing yourself and him (her). It is your connection that will become thinner when you appreciate and realize that you have been abandoned. But his connection with you right now is so tenuous that it has even broken off. For her to have a chance to recover, it does not need to be touched. This is your only chance, keep in mind. And he is not small. Another question is that if he wants to come back, you may not need it. But this is better than if you need it more and more (and with running around the craving grows, keep in mind!) and he needs it less and less, to the point of disgust.
The New Year holidays are so monotonous, in fact, that he (she) may get bored with the long-awaited freedom and turn out to be not so wonderful. Wait for revenge, this is important for your self-esteem.
3. Don't celebrate the New Year alone.
This is an overly romantic holiday, and the whole atmosphere is literally charged with love. At other times, the situation in the city is everyday, everyone is rushing to work, solving everyday problems. And then everything stops and there is a feeling of a fairy tale all around. It’s very scary if at such a time you decide to celebrate the New Year alone.
Firstly, your longing for the one who left you will be ten times stronger because of the New Year. Secondly, you will wait for him (she) to come or at least call. Thirdly, the situation will seem to you much more cruel and cynical than it actually is. And all this because of the New Year.
So go somewhere. To parents, if there is no suitable company. Yes, now you won’t feel good anywhere, but almost any crowded place won’t be as bad as being alone.
But don't drink too much. It’s better not to drink at all, and if you drink, then for every 30 g of strong alcohol - at least 100 g mineral water, potassium and magnesium will create a buffer for your nervous system, and water will reduce the concentration of alcohol in the blood.
The only exception to the rule of not meeting the New Year alone if you have been abandoned is to stay at home and go to bed. It’s easier to survive this holiday in a dream. But it’s better to go to bed before New Year’s Eve, so as not to experience stress during the clock strike and not wait for a call after.
4. Dedicate the entire New Year holidays to winter sports.
Ideally these are skis, skates, sleds, snowboards.
I give you 100%, if you manage to overcome yourself and start going to the slides and skating rinks, in a couple of days you will tell yourself that it’s not so bad that this relationship is over, life ahead is like a bright and open space, like a snow field, which you rode on.
If you prefer guests, bars, alcohol, hookah and cigarettes, you will spend your entire vacation in hell. And it just seems to you that when you “speak out”, you will feel better. You can’t reduce addiction by talking about it, but rather increase it. Addiction decreases ONLY when you transfer your attention to something and get pleasure from it, preferably physical.
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