Raising children 3 - 4 years old
Crisis of three years
Bad behavior
Many parents complain that during the third birthday, the child becomes stubborn, impudent, hostile, disobedient and uncontrollable. According to child psychiatrist Rudolf Dreikurs and famous psychologist Julia Gippenreiter, there are four main reasons for a child’s bad behavior:
In such a situation, parents should give their child as much attention as possible in the evenings and on weekends. The child, of course, will demand it anyway: “Mom, read to me. Mom, play with me. Mom, I can’t do it.” And if the mother brushes the child off, citing fatigue or household chores, he will begin to look for other ways to attract her attention - and they will not always be “adequate”.
After all, the child very quickly begins to understand that if he sits quietly alone in the room and plays “”, no one will pay attention to him. But when he threw something, broke something, took a dangerous or illegal thing - that’s when attention appears, albeit negative, but attention.
Therefore, try to ignore, praise his positive actions, respond to the child’s calls to play together, and pay attention to him when the baby seems not to be waiting for him.
Ask him for help, involve him in cooperation, organize situations and activities where the child could feel his importance and his authority.
A three-year-old child usually already understands his gender identity well. , girls - on mothers. They strive to imitate them in everything and gladly perform “male” or, conversely, “female” duties.
During this period, a pattern of future relationships with the opposite sex is laid. Therefore, parents should carefully monitor their behavior and speech.
Material for the lesson.
In order for a son to grow into a man, a good father, a worthy member of society, it is important to know how to raise a boy. Representatives of the stronger sex, capable of action and recognition, self-confident, courageous and courageous, grow up from little boys whose mother and father have found the right pedagogical approach. There are many subtleties and nuances that you need to know in order to grow good man, a comprehensively developed personality, a real man.
In Ancient Rus' they believed that women should not raise sons. This is a man's task. Tutors were hired for noble children, and children from the lower classes moved in a male environment thanks to their early introduction to work. Since the 20th century, boys are less and less often brought up under male attention; care for children is shifted to women’s shoulders. The lack of male influence affects the behavior of the adult son. Men become lacking initiative, cannot fight back the offender, and do not want to overcome difficulties.
Courageous, strong and courageous men are not immediately born with such a set of human qualities. The character of the stronger sex comes from childhood. The correct actions of parents, based on the psychological characteristics of boys, are the key to success, the answer to how to raise their sons correctly. Boys and girls need a different approach, because their psychology is different. For a son to become a worthy member of modern society, it is important to build respectful, trusting relationships with him.
Each family's methods of education may vary, but if the parents' task is to form a strong, responsible personality, then it is worth raising their son by following the following few rules:
The role of the father in the task of raising boys is difficult to overestimate. If until the age of 4-5 years the mother is of greater importance to the baby, then after that she reaches out to the father. Only through communication with his father (or other men) does a boy learn masculine behavior. Children copy the behavior of their fathers, because his moral principles, habits and manners are the embodiment of the standard of masculinity, an example to follow. The authority of the father and attitude towards the mother determine how much the boy will love and respect his future family and wife.
A man's character is formed due to the various actions of his parents. Some people focus on studying and books, others consider sports to be an important stage in the formation of a personality, for others it is important to raise a child who loves work. Whatever path you choose, the main thing is to show the baby positive example. Only your hard work, love of sports, and responsibility will be able to demonstrate and cultivate the same qualities in your child.
Not less than psychological aspects upbringing, physiological ones are important for a boy. From birth, monitor the formation of the genitourinary system; if problems are detected, contact a specialist. The cause may be weak or excessive development of the genital organs, narrowing or inflammation of the foreskin, and other disorders. Hygienic habits are established in childhood. For boys, uncleanliness can cause inflammation, pain, and swelling. Parents are obliged to form and instill healthy habits in a timely manner.
In addition to hygiene, sex education touches on other aspects as well. The task of the mother and father is to help the son understand that he belongs to the male sex, to teach him to behave adequately in relationships with the opposite sex. Children should receive information about sex life from their parents, not from peers or via the Internet. At the age of 7-11, boys should already be aware of reproductive function and childbirth, the onset of puberty and the changes that await them. After 12 years of age, teenagers need to know:
If a boy is afraid of everything from childhood, there is a high probability that with age these fears will only intensify. Parents should make a lot of effort to develop courage in their future man. To help mothers and fathers who want to see their baby fearless, here are some recommendations:
Parents want to raise their son to be responsible, proactive, strong, but at the same time loving, caring and attentive. It is difficult to realize these natural desires of mom and dad, but there are several rules of upbringing that will help with this:
When deciding how to raise a boy, it is important to take into account the characteristics of the child’s age. You need to start from birth, and as the baby grows up, you will have to make more and more efforts. At the right approach your efforts will be rewarded with good results. At certain stages, the role of the mother or father becomes more significant, but both parents must equally make efforts to educate.
In raising a child under 3 years old, gender does not matter. A child at this age spends most of his time with his mother, with whom the connection is very strong. The father plays a secondary role during this period. Parents should behave in such a way that the baby feels safe. A baby, surrounded by the love and care of his mother, grows up confident in himself and his abilities. Experts recommend not attending kindergarten until the age of 3. Children who feel abandoned often show aggression and anxiety. To raise self-esteem, it is important to hug your child more often and punish less often.
After 3 years, children begin to distinguish people by gender. Raising a son at this stage should take place with an emphasis on his masculine qualities - strength, dexterity, courage. Boys need to make more effort to develop speech. To improve communication skills, parents should talk and play more with their baby. For comprehensive development crumbs do not limit him when choosing games and toys. If a boy wants to play with dolls, this will not affect his social role in any way.
At this age, raising boys differs little from the previous period. Surround your child with affection and care, give him confidence and awareness of his own strengths. Let your baby feel safe. Remind him of important masculine qualities, allow him to show tenderness and his own emotions. Towards the end of this period, the boys move a little away from their mother and begin to get closer to their father.
In order to raise his son correctly, at the stage from 8 to 10 years old, it is important for the father to actively participate in his son’s life. It is important to form trusting relationships that will clearly manifest themselves in adolescence and adulthood. Dad should not be too strict, as the child may withdraw into himself and begin to be afraid of his father. Boys are interested in men's affairs, activities and actions of their father. Even during this period, the son may begin to defend his opinion or territory by force. Don't hinder expression negative emotions. Explain that you can achieve what you want using other methods.
Raising a son who has entered adolescence means instilling in him responsibility, teaching him to see the consequences of his actions, and relating desires to reality. These are the main goals that parents of a teenager should set for themselves. The role of the father is still high, but the matured child needs communication with school friends, peers. You can also receive masculine energy and become familiar with behavioral characteristics by communicating with older men close to the teenager’s family.
When a child finds it difficult to sit in one place, he is constantly distracted, acts quickly and impulsively, and there is a high likelihood of hyperactivity. Consult child psychologist, engage in independent study of the issue in order to properly raise such a special child. When raising a son with hyperactivity, pay attention to organizing the daily routine, find a hobby he likes, support and praise your child. It is important to show tenderness, affection and care to sons with such a problem.
Single-parent families are a common phenomenon in modern society. Mom should not feel guilty about the current circumstances. To raise a boy to be a real man without a father, try to compensate for the absence of a second parent in life with the attention of close relatives - an uncle or grandfather. Time spent in male society will allow the child to achieve self-identification and will contribute to personal development, will strengthen faith in yourself and your own capabilities.
The age of 3-4 years for a child becomes a turning point for many parents. Difficulties may be associated with the peculiarities of the formation and development of the baby as an individual. Learn about all the features of child psychology at 3-4 years old and raising children at this age.
The third year of life is a turning point for every child. At this time, the baby begins to realize his “I” and show independence. Such changes in the worldview are reflected in the character and behavior of the child. Many psychologists call this period a crisis in the child’s development and personality formation.
The child is trying to show you and others that he is already an adult. He often wants to do everyday tasks without assistance. Any attempts to help are met with shouts and discontent. In such situations, the correct reaction on the part of parents is very important.
The behavior and character of the youngest member of your family in the future largely depends on how you raise your child at 3 years old. It is very important to show the child the right guidelines, lay down important moral principles and the foundations of good behavior. However, parents need to do this extremely carefully. After all, every child requires individual approach in education.
The psychology of raising a child aged 3-4 years requires seriousness and responsibility from mom and dad, and some useful tips will help you resolve important issues:
When conflict situations arise, you must not humiliate or offend the child. He needs to know that you love him under any circumstances.
At the age of 4-5 years, the child’s behavior and thinking changes slightly. In his understanding, the idea of “good” and “bad” is formed. Stable emotions arise - like and dislike for something.
Raising a 4-5 year old child requires parents to be tolerant and attentive to the life and interests of the child. During this period he actively learns the world. And the first teachers for a child are his parents.
Some tips for parents will help parents understand and understand the psychology of a 4-5 year old child:
Never compare your child with other children. This attitude creates complexes and causes self-doubt.
Transitional and crisis situations in raising a child can be easily overcome if you pay enough attention to the baby and demonstrate your love for him in every possible way.
Every child from birth has an individual temperament, which determines the child’s behavior in the early stages of development. It is advisable to begin educational activities from the moment the child realizes his personality. The psychology of raising a 2-3 year old child includes tips that promote versatile and harmonious development personality. Based on the behavior of a 2-3 year old child, it is too early to judge what his character will be like as an adult. He is just learning to manage himself, and his parents should help him with this.
Such a phenomenon as the crisis of two years is familiar to many parents of babies. Sometimes a child at this age literally transforms, begins to be stubborn at every step and show disobedience. With childish tenacity, he rejects any demands and, with the help of protest, asserts his “I”.
The psychology of a child at 2 years old, both girls and boys, undergoes significant changes. At this time, the baby begins to realize his individuality, he learns to manage his body and control natural functions. He understands that he is not one with his mother, but represents
To emphasize his independence, the baby resists any requests and in every possible way resists the pressure of his parents. Only by opposing himself to adults does he embark on the path of individualization. Parents simply need to survive this period, since without it further formation is impossible.
Peculiarities psychological development child 2 years old:
The baby tries to control himself physically and psychologically (sits on the potty on his own, refuses to fulfill requests, runs away from the adult during a walk). At 2 years old, a sense of autonomy appears in the child’s psychology, which needs reinforcement.
Adults need to be patient and flexible. There is no need to try to break the child’s stubbornness, but you also cannot give in endlessly; there is a risk of raising a domestic tyrant. It is better to distract the baby, switch his attention to something interesting and fun. This will help avoid confrontation. It is necessary to praise the child for every achievement, stimulate his creativity and imagination. He must feel that his opinion is respected and that he is taken into account as an adult. But in matters related to the health and safety of the baby, you should be firm. He will quickly learn that in some cases it is useless to persist.
There is no talk at all about the correct behavior of a child until he reaches 3 years old. At this time, his actions are dictated by the characteristics of his temperament. The child may behave unpredictably, changing his preferences many times during the day.
At two years old, a child understands a lot and often speaks well; his vocabulary quickly expands. You need to talk to your baby as often as possible. It was noticed that silent parents Children master speech much later. Phrases should be concise, but at the same time emotionally charged. You cannot distort words when talking to a child.
Children who have sisters and brothers speak well already at the age of 2 years. They express themselves in simple phrases about what is interesting to the baby. Older children use actions and commands in their games that require execution. This helps develop speech skills. This is not the case in games with peers.
In the games of two-year-old children, an adult or older child should participate, who initiates joint actions (for example, preparing Easter cakes, building a house). This will help kids act collectively, compete and interact through speech.
A manual on child psychology for parents of 2-3 year old children recommends:
Differences in the psychology of a 2–3 year old child, girls:
For girls 2–3 years old, you can purchase sets of dishes, furniture and household appliances so that they can play housewife. They strive to imitate their mothers and love to help with housework. This will help develop their desire to take care of someone and show maternal feelings.
A 2-year-old child does not always know how to speak. This should not be a cause for concern if he understands when he is being addressed, fulfills his parents’ requests, and looks straight into the eyes during communication. He will definitely talk over time. We need to talk to him more, read books, sing songs to him. It is also important for intellectual development to use fine motor skills.
The formation of speech depends partly on the physical development of the baby. In addition to fine motor skills activities, he should be allowed outdoor games (riding a bicycle, climbing on sports equipment, stairs). It is useful to purchase a sorter toy with at least 4 in different forms. During the game, you need to name the geometric shape and feel the boundaries of the contour with your fingers. Place into the appropriate hole.
The boy cannot be limited in pouring water and pouring any objects from one form to another. You just need to first create a platform that is easier to clean. You can make appliques, cut out, sculpt balls and sausages from plasticine, and draw shapes. All these actions are beneficial for the baby's development.
Until the child reaches the age of 2–2.5 years, there is no point in punishing him. He does not yet feel like he is the culprit of the incident. He sees the result of his actions, but does not associate it with himself in any way, and does not realize how it happened. The only thing he will take away from punishment or censure is that he is bad and is not loved.
Until a certain time, we must refrain from angry tirades and detailed explanations of what not to do. The baby still cannot understand them. At this stage, clear and reasonable restrictions and prohibitions are sufficient.
From about 2.5 years old, the child begins to feel himself, and he is already able to understand who is to blame for the incident. He realizes that some actions are good and make loved ones happy, while others are bad. But he is still learning to control himself, and from time to time he will continue to act contrary.
Often at this age, children have imaginary friends to whom they shift responsibility for bad deeds. This allows the child not to feel guilty about the wrongdoing. It is important to understand the motives for his behavior. To do this, you need to discuss the incident with your child and help correct the situation. This must be done in a calm, friendly tone, then he will not be afraid of punishment and will willingly explain what motivated him.
At the age of three, children often behave badly, defining the boundaries of what is permitted and acting to spite their parents. This gives them a sense of adulthood and independence. If you punish for misdeeds, then instead of obedience the baby will show resistance. It is important to be patient at this stage; over time, the relationship with the baby will improve.
Do we know that whims and stubbornness are most often caused by the fact that three-year-old children consider themselves already adults, but we do not notice and do not accept this?
The position of a three-year-old child is: “I myself,” “I can,” “I know,” and the position of an adult is still: “You are small.” The crisis of three years is connected with this. This is a difficult period for both children and adults. How it ends, with what consequences, depends on us. What to do in order not to lose the child’s respect, recognize his right to choose and at the same time direct his desires in the right direction?
Is it possible to give in on everything? This is a question for psychologists. We offer some pedagogical techniques for resolving conflict situations, based on knowledge of the psychological characteristics of three-year-old children.
- Why should a son or daughter eat the porridge that the mother suggested, and not the one that he (s) chose himself?
- Why do you have to go to bed when mom and dad are watching TV and the child’s play is in full swing?
Here are typical conflicts between “fathers and sons” aged three to four years.
While resolving them, we must not forget that every child is an individual, one and only. Not all techniques will be useful for YOUR child; from them you need to choose those that will help you get out of the conflict without damage to both sides.
Need to:
♦ Love a child for who he is, not because he is “good,” and do not demand anything in return. (I love you, and you must obey me! - But do we really owe it for love?!)
♦ Give the child the right to choose, the opportunity to have his own opinion, because he is a member of the family like everyone else. (What do you think? What do you choose?)
♦ Praise your child more often for good deeds. Don't be afraid, you won't overpraise. (You put away all the toys today, well done! You helped me, and the toys are happy. Otherwise they would have been upset, and so would I!)
♦ Be on an equal footing with your child, and not put pressure on him with your authority (after all, you can’t put pressure on him with authority, you have to earn it).
♦ Play with him more often, because in the game he is an adult and knows how to do everything himself. And if he is an “adult” in the game, then maybe the crisis will pass unnoticed and smoothly?
♦ Demand something from the child with respect for him (I love you, but until you wash your face, we won’t go for a walk. You have your own conditions, I have mine. Let’s fulfill them together.)
♦ Condemn an individual act, not the child himself. “You scattered your things, you’re bad!” - You can’t make comments like this, it creates in the child a feeling of guilt and awareness of his own inferiority. You need to say: “You scattered your things - this is a bad act, it’s not like you, because you are neat!”
♦ When blaming, compare the child’s bad deed with his good deed. (Today you tore a book, and yesterday you carefully put all the toys in a box.) Hug your child at least 5 times a day. This gives the child a feeling of security and self-confidence. They love him, that means he is good.
It is forbidden:
♦ Compare the child’s actions with the actions of other children. This humiliates him and creates self-doubt. Hence the shame and fear: what if they stop loving him.
♦ Scold the child for bad actions. You just need to be upset. (You didn’t listen to grandma today, it upset me.)
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