Relationships with married men have become commonplace in the 21st century. According to statistics, over 70% of women try to build relationships with men who have legal wives. But the situation may not always be in their favor. A man’s opinion can change at any moment, he can go back to his wife, or simply stop making contact.
This issue is often discussed by psychologists, who are visited daily by patients who have experienced the hardships of relationships with married people. What does this mean? Can there be a successful outcome? We will try to answer all questions throughout this article.
First of all, an affair with married man it's a responsibility. Such relationships are concluded at the expense of a third party, namely the legal wife. Exists folk proverb: “You can’t build your own happiness on someone else’s.” In this situation it will be most appropriate. Of course, there are exceptions when such an affair arises by mutual consent and the parties know what they are getting into. But more often than not, this is only a temporary attraction with unknown final results.
Maybe. Often they choose a woman on the side, starting from new surging feelings, a variety of sensations. It is difficult to say what this is based on (kinship of souls, an intimate plan, or simply the opposite of the wife), but over time this may also change. Now you are playing the role of wife, and he is again looking for a replacement for you. How to see a losing romance in advance:
Ambiguity. The man is in constant thought, running between two fires. In such a case, the choice will be made in favor of the wife, because this is already a life-tested companion.
Lack of trust. It’s a common thing when people don’t get along in character or simply everyday life ruins everything. Take a closer look at your man. After all, maybe he is looking for a temporary relationship without obligations that does not force him to do anything.
The initiative is only in sexual terms. If a man is only interested in you as a sexual partner, this is an end without a beginning. Immediately cut off all contacts; in the future, such an affair will end extremely badly.
But even realizing the reality, many women go to the end. They are looking for any methods and ways to keep a married man.
Again, an ambiguous answer. If the stronger sex has a powerful will, it is unlikely to be possible to keep him near you. In choosing his new companion (if the romance seems serious), the male sex is very courteous. They judge not only by appearance and mentality, but also by everyday life, intimate relationships and many other factors. Of course, there are several options for how this can be accomplished, namely:
Try to become his closest person. If he opened up to you and was able to trust you completely, success is guaranteed. Men rarely admit their weaknesses or share their difficulties. Basically, they keep everything to themselves. If he regards you as reliable, loved one, the remaining choice will be yours.
Don't put pressure on him. As a rule, men leave families due to strong pressure from their spouse. Become a friend, an adviser to him, be submissive. For a man, the main thing is support and mutual understanding.
Always leave the final choice to him. He should feel at ease in your romance, experience a completely new horizon of feelings and emotions.
Do not disclose the affair. Try to be in the shadows, but until the victorious moment. As soon as a man is ready to choose you, immediately declare yourself. He must see that his chosen one is not afraid of the consequences and is ready for all possible difficulties.
These are just a few possible options how to try to keep a man near you. It is difficult to generalize all cases, because it is not always the woman who initiates the continuation of the affair. But what to do if a man chose marriage instead of you? How to stop loving a married man? Psychologists were able to answer this question.
Every psychologist, throughout his practice, has had repeated victims of an unsuccessful romance. The women were in an almost apathetic state; they rejected the reality and fact of the event that had already happened. As a rule, this is a blow not only to feelings, but also to pride. Potentially, a woman out of wedlock and a legal wife are considered rivals.
The main prize is a place near the man you love. The losing side feels humiliated, broken, betrayed. In exceptional cases, there was a complete rejection of life, attempts at suicide, or insanity. What to do to avoid this situation:
Break off all relationships. This past. We need to move forward. Eliminate all contacts, just forget about his existence. Remove photographs or things reminiscent of a recent romance from prominent places. Just force yourself to believe that this is not the end at all, but a new beginning.
Don't plot. Who is to blame for the fact that the choice was not in her favor? That's right - wife. As a rule, rejected women begin to plot in every possible way, try to destroy family life. They arrange personal meetings, send joint photographs to in social networks or in other ways trying to make themselves known. There is no need to do this! Revenge is a destructive and devastating feeling. Even if the marriage is destroyed, it will not brighten up life in any way.
Make new friends, improve your life. Go on a trip, fulfill cherished dream. Don't rush into establishing new relationships.
If you adhere to all these points, you will end up falling out of love with a man, even if the romance was very expensive.
An affair with a married man is a double-edged sword. This is a relationship without guarantees, and, as a rule, without a possible future. Psychologists have their own opinion on this matter. They believe that this is not immoral, but unnatural. But if a woman decides to thoroughly plunge into this pool headlong, she will need the advice of a psychologist.
He is handsome, smart, makes good money. He has only one drawback... He is hopelessly married. Hopeless means there is no hope that he will ever get a divorce. And only you refuse to believe it. Although it’s time to face the truth.
My friend Lera has been dating a married man, a successful owner of an art gallery, for a whole year. All this time she plays by his rules. They only meet when it's convenient for him, mostly in the evenings after work. On Saturday and Sunday, Lera is usually left to her own devices. Several times Lera tried to leave, to start with other men, but nothing worked out for her.
“This is some kind of addiction, akin to a craving for smoking,” she says. “By the way, I still can’t quit smoking either. And although men pay attention to me, try to look after me, each one, upon closer examination, seems to me to be several steps lower than Igor and is inferior to him both in terms of external parameters, and in intelligence, and in terms of financial status. I have a fairly high bar, and I don’t intend to waste money.”
Lera does not hide the fact that she is attracted to her current chosen one by his success. However, this does not mean that her lover showers her with gold and other expensive gifts. They only went on vacation to Egypt at his expense once, sometimes they dined in good restaurants. That's probably all. Lera did not receive any great material benefits from her novel; her modest two-room apartment, where they are held, still needs repairs. Her lover doesn’t promise to marry her either - he only hints at something, gives illusory hope...
A woman loves with her ears. And when he realizes that all these words are just a beautiful lie, it may already be too late. For some reason, it seems that only with this person can you be happy. Although this is probably not true. You’ve just gotten used to it, you’ve come to terms with the fact that you’re having an affair with a man who isn’t free.
There is a category of women who deliberately have affairs with married people. For example, if a woman is already married and is looking for a lover. Someone just needs a sponsor, and in this case whether the man is married or not is not of fundamental importance, because money comes to the fore. In short, situations are different.
But for some reason quite often the role of mistresses is played by women who are young, outwardly attractive and have successful careers, for whom, it would seem, nothing prevents them from starting a family themselves, rather than wasting precious time on incomprehensible relationships. You can console yourself as much as you like that it means nothing and that you are above all conventions. Convince yourself and others that you love only him. However, by focusing on one person, you may miss the chance that fate gives you.
You don’t pay attention to other men - free and unmarried - only because you yourself don’t want a new relationship. Yes, your heart is not free at this moment, but does this mean that you are unable to change anything? Any, even the strongest love, passes after some time. Sooner or later you will have to face the truth - you are having an affair with a man in whose life you do not play the main role.
It would seem - what's bad here? Emotions run high, meetings (at least at first) bring you only joy, you tell your friends how cool, witty, and successful he is. However, sobering comes unnoticed.
The first thing that suffers is self-esteem. At first, you still flatter yourself with the hope that he will separate from his wife, and you don’t understand why he doesn’t do this. In the end, every woman is a owner at heart, and sharing a loved one with another is a difficult test.
You refuse to believe that he loves his wife. It seems to you that if he cheats on her, it means that in the end he will get tired of it and he will leave for you. Have you thought that since he is still with her, it means that such a family life suits him quite well? And that, in principle, he is not going to change anything? So, one of my friends once posed the question bluntly: “Choose - me or her.” And what? Her beloved suddenly disappeared from her life and did not even mention a divorce from his wife.
Many people reproach modern women in bitchiness, but men can also be calculating and cynical. They know how to charm a woman and are looking for quick sex. There is no smell of love here. The only thing that allows a married man to achieve his goal is your own desire.
So is the game worth the candle? After all, no matter how you look at it, you remain a loser. The chances that you will be able to take him away from the family are slim. No, of course, many people succeed in this. But there are categories of men who consciously do not want to change anything. They have already gone to the left many times, and they are satisfied with everything.
My friend Alexey has been cheating on his wife for many years with the latter’s tacit consent. He says that he can’t do it any other way - family life has long turned into a routine, but he still wants bright impressions, passion, in the end. And although the thought of divorce comes to his mind from time to time, he has practically given up on it.
“Once I already decided to leave, but then I realized that it wouldn’t lead to anything good. Sooner or later anyway love will pass, it will just be a habit. And my wife and I, as managers of the same enterprise, our main common goal is to raise our son. In order to separate from my wife, I will have to find a woman who is at least two or three times better than her, at least that’s what she has to convince me of.”
The worst thing in a relationship with a married man is the moment when habit replaces passion. Your friends are all married, have given birth to children, and you are still waiting for his call or SMS message. You become nervous and twitchy - because in your personal life you have complete uncertainty. Instead of a surge of emotions and adrenaline, you get everyday boredom, and it even turns into a routine. He no longer looks at you with adoration, you quarrel more and more often, your relationship becomes more painful every day. But it’s just quite difficult to break them.
Try not to fall into this trap - just don't get involved with a married man.
“Do not offer sex” - this note can often be seen on the resumes of female applicants. However, sometimes even the most persistent and highly moral people catch themselves wanting to violate their own principles.
Every couple has their own, unique office romance. Uniqueness is determined not only by the personalities of the partners, but also by the situation itself. In addition to the specifics of work, such as the field of activity, position, microclimate in the team, the root causes of intimate relationships in the boss-subordinate format also play an important role. Such relationships are extremely rarely accidental and have certain motives behind them, which can be divided into three strategies.
This is perhaps the most pointless and risky option for relationships at work. Nowadays, it is not difficult to find a partner for going to the cinema, kissing in a car and carnal pleasures in the country on weekends. Adapting a boss for these purposes is a very dubious idea. It is possible that you will get what you expect from him as a lover, but maintaining a healthy partnership in the professional field will be extremely difficult. No matter how you abstract yourself, the personal will still seep into the working part of your life. This will slip through in the gaze, intonation, and certain liberties. So very soon the whole office will know that you and the boss have a special relationship. Gossip behind your back and stupid grins in your face are not the most comfortable environment for effective work.
In addition, affairs usually tend to end, and very quickly. At the initial stage, it is completely impossible to predict how such a relationship will end - a friendly parting or throwing of improvised objects. In the second case, such violent emotions are unlikely to be left outside the office, and a sensible manager has absolutely no need for enchanting performances at work. In general, in the case of a fleeting infatuation with your own boss, you risk doubly.
Mercantile relations have never been a novelty. Office romances for the purpose of career growth, salary increases, special working conditions and other tricks are a very common practice. But before you try on the role of a person who is ready to do anything to achieve personal goals, carefully analyze the situation. First of all, ask yourself: are you really ready to go all the way, to pretend, to go against general standards? The boss may also not be the most honest person. Having enjoyed your company, he may not feel a duty to somehow contribute to your promotion. And is the game worth the candle? In most companies, it is simply not possible to build a dizzying career, even through bed. Of course, a bonus is never too much, but there are other ways to improve your financial affairs - affordable and, undoubtedly, more ethical.
A fateful meeting with the only man to whom you have been going all your life - every woman dreams of this event in one way or another. However, those who have such good fortune at work find themselves in a very difficult situation. It turns out to be very difficult to see in your boss a person with whom you could live your whole life, with whom you could follow to the ends of the earth, and not end up in a stupid position. And even if the boss responded to your feelings with the most sincere reciprocity, you still cannot avoid unpleasant moments. Few people around will believe in pure love between a manager and a subordinate. Jokes will be made not only by colleagues, but by acquaintances and perhaps even friends – both yours and your lover’s. There is a possibility that you will have to sacrifice one thing - either work or love. At the same time, some couples cope well with both roles, help each other in everything and build not only strong family, but also a successful business.
You must clearly understand that whatever your true intentions, communication with your boss will compromise you. And him too. So try to keep your informal meetings secret for as long as possible. But even if everyone is already in the know, it’s still not worth advertising your special status. The office should remain a territory for professional activity, and not a decoration for love stories and melodramas.
Business sharks put their business first. Perhaps someday you will be able to rise to the pedestal of values of your lover and boss rolled into one, but at first it’s better not to even dream about it. Therefore, take off your rose-colored glasses - they go beyond the work dress code. You must perform all your duties no worse than before. It is even advisable to show special diligence - after all, now you are working not just for the benefit of your superiors, but for your partner. This tactic will allow you to win over your boss even more, and in the event of a breakdown in personal relationships, it will help you retain your position.
Sergey, 28 years old, top manager
“I liked Rita for a long time and, thanks to the corporate event, I managed to get close to her. We started a relationship. But then something went wrong. She started avoiding me. At work, in front of the team, she asked me to communicate with her as before. In general, don’t allow yourself too much. She didn’t answer my frequent calls, but once sent a text message: “Leave me alone. We will not be together". I could no longer work normally. I began to have a mania, it seemed that Rita was flirting with all the men around me to spite me. In general, I quit, or rather, I simply stopped going to work.”
Alexander, 33 years old, bartender
“I got to know Vika closely two weeks after she joined our company. I was young and carefree. We started dating. Our meetings in bars and restaurants demanded continuation. Vicky had the keys to the director's office. In it. But one day the director came to work early. Entering the office, the first thing he saw was my back and Vika’s face... Burning with shame, we left the crime scene. He fired us both without hesitation. After my dismissal, I stopped dating Vika. The work was good and close to home, but because of Vicky I was fired.”
Kirill, 25 years old, sales representative
“In the company I worked for at that time, in principle, there were a lot of young and pretty girls. There was no desire to enter into a love relationship with any of them. There was one girl... Due to work, we often had to leave the office together. And so, step by step, the relationship began. At first everything was easy. But then I started to get tired of this relationship. We were together almost 24 hours a day, she knew everything about me. I was constantly under fire. The same face both at work and after. On serious relationship I was not in the mood... We broke up when enough quarrels and resentments had accumulated. It was not easy to continue working together. There was some kind of tension all the time. I will never repeat this again.”
Georgiy, 30 years old, entrepreneur
“At that time I had big problems with my wife. I worked at a hotel, where I met Nastya. Spun. My feelings quickly cooled down. I wanted to return to my family. My wife didn’t mind, she also missed me, calmed down, and forgave. When I said that I was leaving, Nastya began to have hysterics, blackmail and scandals. It became impossible to work. She turned the entire team against me. My wife set the condition that she would take me back if I no longer saw Nastya. In general, I quit..."
Mikhail, 31 years old, supervisor
“We worked together for a long time. Some years. The relationship began to be strong. It seemed to me, real love. We started living together. We have learned to separate work and family life very well. In general, it wasn’t that we were tired of seeing each other all the time. Maybe because I was able to take breaks, thanks to business trips. Everything was great with my career in this company. I was waiting for a promotion. But she started sleeping with our boss. Colleagues told me about this. She didn't really deny it. I was simply in shock. What to do? Punch your boss in the face? Should I quit or continue working? She was quickly promoted. And I, having suffered for a year, found myself under general layoffs, as the company went bankrupt.”
Evgeniy, 30 years old, teacher
“Once I decided to have an affair with my boss after finding out that she liked me. Then I had no idea that a passing hobby could turn into real hell for me. I ended this story unilaterally without announcing any reasons. But she continued to behave as if nothing had happened. She behaved in such a way that I was burning with shame. Then the persecution began: calls, SMS, etc. Problems began at work. Instead of a bonus, I began to receive fines, insults, hysterics, and even slight bruises from objects flying at me. Six months later it became a little easier, her passion was replaced by coldness. "
Vyacheslav, 28 years old, sales manager
“At the beginning, Sasha was just my girlfriend. Four years ago I got a job. and the boss, the salary is more than decent. Alexandra wasn't having a good time at work. I talked to the director. The director was in favor, provided that Sasha and I were colleagues at work and nothing more. That's how it all turned out. During the working day, I am Vyacheslav Alekseevich for her, and she is Alexandra Artemovna for me. A year after she came to our office, we got married. Both our colleagues and the director attended the wedding. Still, soon our working together the end will come. Sasha is expecting a child, which means maternity leave.”
8. Sergey, 27 years old, journalist
“Office romances, like all good things, come to an end. And it’s not always smooth. And you actually like this job. To avoid inconvenience later, it’s better not to start.”
9. Vladimir, 27 years old, photographer
“I work with models. Most of the time they are practically naked. This is a very intimate moment: the work of a model and a photographer. If I had gotten involved with a producer, an assistant, or the same model, some magic would have been lost. Or it wouldn't be a job anymore. But attacks of jealousy, hysterics, all this is definitely not for me.”
10. Mikhail, 32 years, designer
“To be together at work, at home, and on vacation. It too. A man needs something of his own, he needs a feeling of freedom. Otherwise you might go crazy.”
11. Rais, 35 years old, artist
“You can’t interfere, there must be a clear hierarchy. Give me some slack, then it starts: I want this, I don’t want that... Where’s the bonus? I see a purpose, but I do not see obstacles! If suddenly a person becomes close to you, it will be difficult to achieve your goal.”
12. Sergey, 31 years old, showman
“I work as a host of various events; I often conduct wedding celebrations, at which there are a lot of beautiful girls. As a presenter, I get a lot of attention. How do I use it? I help single guys shine in front of these girls, because if they succeed, guess who will officiate their wedding?”
13. Evgeniy, 31 years old, entrepreneur
“Personally, I met my wife at work in a nightclub. This place was dotted with scantily clad girls and guys with whom all of us came into contact for work and other matters. There was no jealousy or other problems. After some time, we said goodbye to this place of work, got married, had children, and everything is fine with us, thank God.”
What do you think about office romances? Write your opinion in the comments.
Comments: 8
Marina
I do not agree! I met my husband at work, worked as a financier, he is in the commercial department) and he came to our company from competitors, where I had previously come for reconciliations🤔😉🤔saw, fell in love and came to us) six months later we got married💝And now it’s been 17 years we work and live together 😘 So I’m willing to bet) apparently the boys got the wrong girls 🙃
18.01.2016 / 20:48
Elly
I agree with Marina! A good, adequate, normal person can be recognized precisely in his work. For further relationships, IMHO! Here you can see how a person fulfills his duties. His present, his future. And his past is well known. You will see a person in action and on vacation. (With)
19.01.2016 / 08:30
Kate
I also liked the man at work. We only started our relationship on the day I quit. Apparently, he did not dare to start them while we were employees. True, after 9 months of communication, it ended in nothing. And I thank God that we are not working in the same office now. Sometimes you have to go there on business, and seeing this person is very painful ((
19.01.2016 / 13:17
Dmitriy
And I like my position, there are about 100 people working in our department, and the M/F ratio is approximately equal. I had intimate relationships with 7 employees, all of them are already quite adults and we are aware of the unpleasant consequences. Not a single example from the ones written above fell on our heads. Either from general adequacy, or perhaps it has passed for now) I meet with 2 out of 7 regularly, exclusively for one purpose, but since this is mutual attraction, I don’t consider myself guilty. Girls are lonely, but everyone wants passion. At work we behave quite naturally, “hello, hello”, “how are you? - and I’m fine”, no flirting, and no hints that we had anything, ever. Colleagues don’t seem to know, although I’m sure they have their own skeletons in their closet. I consider the topic of office romances to be quite normal if one of the parties is not in a relationship or marriage on the other side of work. Cheating is not a worthy act
23.01.2016 / 13:21
Bzhik
I once had an affair with a popular colleague at work. It seems they didn’t advertise the relationship, but apparently they got married somewhere. There were many people who wanted to do it, but in the end it didn’t end well. The fact that they broke up with him is, naturally, experienced, but the memories of how the ladies fought for him, how much s... came out, how they competed for him, how many setups there were.... He clearly wasn’t worth it been through.
08.02.2016 / 11:14
Elizabeth
Hello! 10 months ago I started having an affair at work. Everything happened spontaneously; I had been alone for a long time. But I can’t continue it further, because I haven’t developed feelings for the person, but he doesn’t let go and doesn’t hold on. He doesn’t think about the future, as long as he just wants to be with me. A time is running. I'm soon 27 years old. Many people are whispering behind my back and have stopped trusting me. I can no longer behave adequately. I’m constantly nervous, everything hurts, I often catch a cold or don’t feel well. Tell me what I could do to make people treat me more respectfully, because this is work, not a place for entertainment.
…For that to gain valuable experience and finally understand which man is right for you. With a little help from psychologists, we settled on the nine most common types of “wrong” men. So…
TYPE #1
Bachelor
For many girls, an incorrigible bachelor is akin to a homosexual. This is such a global goal - to do everything so that the fortress falls in front of you. When you meet such a man, you begin to develop adrenaline at a tremendous speed, as well as ideas on how to tame the “wild beast” and drag him into your cozy cave. There can be a lot of means: from the decision not to sleep with him for the first five dates to strategic plans to gain the trust of his mother (grandmother, cousin, classmate) and finding out the object’s secret weaknesses from her. But think about it: it is difficult to change a man globally, but it will not be difficult for him to change you, even if Mendelssohn’s march temporarily paralyzes his desire for freedom.
PROS: If you think whitethe color is very easily soiled, and wedding loaf doesn't fit into your diet, then you and a bachelor will have a great time together. Without obligations and mutual claims. And you will also understand that there is no need to change people in relationships, because you are both free individuals.
TYPE #2
Macho
Apparently , under the impression of Antonio Banderas and the Argentine tango festival, I once formulated an image for myself ideal man. In one phrase: “When we say man, we mean macho.” Everything about such a man is captivating: his gaze,his movements, his passion... He is ready to make love anywhereand as much as you like. Quarreling with himIt’s extremely pleasant, because after scandals there comes a stormy truce! Such relationships are like an erupting volcano... But volcanoes, firstly, often fade away, and secondly, they can absorb everything in their path. Often a macho man wants to enrich more than one heart with his passion. A breakup can be painful, and an affair can leave only emptiness.
PROS: If you equate calm with boredom and are ready to stay in bed(not necessarily just in bed), take a closer look at him. Macho knows how to love beautifully! In all senses. And everyone will envy you.
| Everyone is nice - just like a choice... |
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TYPE #3
| Pensive , crafty, ironic - which one is yours? |
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